7 photographers looking inward via self-portraiture
By Chioma Nwana
Photographers have been hit hard by COVID-19. As a result of social distancing, countless gigs have been canceled, projects have been postponed, and collaborations have been tabled. However, some photographers are using this time to bring the action into their homes. They’re taking advantage of the stillness bred by the now two-month-long isolation and shifting their focus from other subjects to themselves. To further explore this shift, we reached out to seven Black female-identifying and non-binary photographers using self-portraiture as a means to look inward during this time and asked them all the same three questions:
Cara, California
In what ways does self-portraiture help you to see yourself, especially at a time like this?
This pandemic has just made any scarcity worse, and any barriers taller — my challenge lately has been to use these barriers as a path for progress. I have so much time and space to look at myself and figure out what needs to stay and what needs to go. I've been staring in the mirror a lot, trying to figure out who I'm looking at so I can help her continue to grow. It's a way for me to take a reprieve from pandemic anxiety and ask how I can help myself when it comes to my art, activism, mental and physical health, relationships, and well-being.
Are you more or less in control of what you see when you photograph yourself?
It's not something that I've tried before, so at the moment, I'm being motivated to take control by my mistakes. Overall, being the subject allows me more control over how I want the body to look in the shot. It allows me to create my vision without having to explain it to someone and risk them not getting it.
Do you like what you’ve been seeing?
I do! I took some shots where I'm looking at myself through the lens, because that's the perspective that feels the most comfortable for me. I ended up liking those the most, because if I can help it I always want to see myself with a camera in my hands. In that way, they become aspirational identity portraits. I see myself making images. I see myself documenting Black women. I see myself more completely.
(Follow Cara on Instagram.)
Courtney, New York
In what ways does self-portraiture help you to see yourself, especially at a time like this?
I don't always know what I look like, so in a literal sense, it's both surprising and grounding. I think I spend a lot of time in my head and in high school spent a lot of time purposely avoiding mirrors. Sometimes I feel like I missed out on getting to know my body then for myself. So now, self-portraits are sometimes my way of making up for that. One of my favorite things about taking portraits of other people is focusing on small gestures or little things I think make them beautiful. It's been nice to have the chance to look at myself in the same way. It's still kind of alarming what I see sometimes, but in quarantine, I can't as easily move on to something else if my idea doesn't work out. In this case, it was like a forced trial-and-error since I'm looking at the setup everyday in my living room.
Are you more or less in control of what you see when you photograph yourself?
In comparison to other forms of photography, I guess more in control, but in general, it's hard to say. With portraits of other people, I can see them do something and work with them to get back into what I saw and wanted to capture. With self-portraits, I'll have an idea, and sometimes I'm able to get it how I pictured it. Other times, I'm like, “Wow, this is so far from what I wanted,” and feel like I just got knocked back a few steps. I guess I do have more control because I can keep trying it over and over and make adjustments between photos, but at the same time, the constant trial-and-error can be annoying.
Do you like what you’ve been seeing?
I do. There are definitely some photos from the shoot that had me like, “Yeah, this isn't it,” but self-portraiture has been a way for me to learn and love more about myself. Sometimes, it helps me visually work out my feelings on my relationship to certain things and people. Sometimes, I just want to see what I look like as I do routine things or try on clothes. I think if I had tried self-portraiture in high school, though, I wouldn't have liked what I saw. My body has gotten me through a lot. It's changed, and then went back to what it was and repeats — so these past few years, I've just been very grateful for it. Physically seeing some things is still hard, but sometimes hard is a part of my unlearning. I wish I had a better understanding of my face though. Most of the time, I think I'm smiling or semi-smiling, and then I see the picture, and I look like I'm over everything.
(Follow Courtney on Instagram.)
Golden, Massachusetts
In what ways does self-portraiture help you to see yourself, especially at a time like this?
As a self-portrait artist who doesn't necessarily always take portraits of self, right now, photographing is allowing me a space to exist without time and context. The canvas to create without constraints allows me to decipher which stories I want to carry forth in that particular image. That collaboration between the camera and the self, and the self and the objects within the image, those moments allow me to see and envision versions of myself. Whether glorified or traumatic, realistic or fantastical, historical or suspended.
Are you more or less in control of what you see when you photograph yourself?
I don't believe a photographer is ever "in control" of a photograph — there are some elements that I control, such as what I wear and how the lighting will be, but there are always inconsistencies in my vision of what the photograph should be and what the photograph ends up being. That's what's exciting about self-portraiture for me: the process of discovering what the photograph is, what the story is.
Do you like what you’ve been seeing?
I've been enjoying seeing the ways, after a shoot, I get inspired to keep searching with self-portraiture — to keep telling our stories, to keep pushing forward, and to rest as needed.
(Follow Golden on Instagram.)
Maeva, Maryland
In what ways does self-portraiture help you to see yourself, especially at a time like this?
Self-portraiture has actually helped me to start falling in love with myself again. For the past couple of years, I’ve kind of been putting myself to the side — I’ve been focusing on my art and establishing myself as a professional photographer. I stopped taking selfies, and I stopped seeing myself. The quarantine forced me to put the spotlight back onto myself and helped me address many things I had been avoiding.
Are you more or less in control of what you see when you photograph yourself?
I would say that I am, to a certain extent. When you’re photographing someone, it’s your job to take in every aspect of the photo — not just the subject, in my opinion. Often times, clients may not “like their face” in the photo, but as the photographer, you are much more than just their face. I’ve had to do the same when it comes to self-portraits! I have to be fearless and vulnerable and look at the photo as a whole and not just be “me.” That makes me feel a bit out of control.
Do you like what you’ve been seeing?
I do. I see a stronger, more fearless version of myself. A creative version of myself who is becoming comfortable with her own vulnerability in order to inspire others to do the same.
(Follow Maeva on Instagram.)
Nailah, California
In what ways does self-portraiture help you to see yourself, especially at a time like this?
Self-portraits have helped me to appreciate every feature on myself. I work with other people all day, and I constantly fill them with the love and extra boost of confidence they need. However, it’s nice to look in the mirror and be able to do the same thing for myself.
Are you more or less in control of what you see when you photograph yourself?
I am, in some ways, more in control but I’m also not. It’s harder to shoot myself because I can’t get all the angles I want. However, the benefit of shooting myself is that I can adjust the lighting, direct myself with poses, and go as long as I want until I get the perfect shot that I love.
Do you like what you’ve been seeing?
Yes, I like what I have been seeing and have been taking this downtime to focus on and love on myself.
(Follow Nailah on Instagram.)
Shingi, London
In what ways does self-portraiture help you to see yourself, especially at a time like this?
I guess, for me, it adds on to my self-love journey. Documenting myself more, in a way I would document others, means a lot to me. It’s as if I am putting myself on some sort of pedestal that I put others on.
Are you more or less in control of what you see when you photograph yourself?
I am always in control of that I see, but maybe not so much of what I want to see. I would add more in terms of set design, but I work with what I have!
Do you like what you’ve been seeing?
Yes, I do. I have been quite surprised and impressed at my results, as I don’t usually take self portraits — I only started towards the end of last year, and this would be my second or third attempt.
(Follow Shingi on Instagram.)
Tye, Illinois
In what ways does self-portraiture help you to see yourself, especially at a time like this?
Self-portraiture is really cleansing for me because I don’t spend a lot of time with myself. I spend a lot of time with my thoughts, but I don’t spend a lot of time physically doing things with myself. Usually, I don’t allocate that time for myself because I’m not really an “I’m taking pictures everyday” kind of person. I’ve grown out of that. But I feel like this is my “me time.” I see it as a form of self-care and checking in with me and my talent.
Are you more or less in control of what you see when you photograph yourself?
I feel as if I’m more in control of what I see when I photograph myself. I know what I want it to look like in my head, and I know how to manipulate my body in ways that are sometimes very hard to explain.
Do you like what you’ve been seeing?
I do like what I’ve been seeing. I’ve definitely been wanting to try out different styles. A lot of things that I’ve been wanting to do with other people, I’m like, “Why not try it out with me?” It’s been really fun. I like what I’m seeing, and I’m excited to build on it while collaborating with other creative friends that love drawing and animating to make these portraits as amazing as they can be.
(Follow Tye on Instagram.)